Children are the most affected and you need to assure them that the divorce isn’t their fault. Remind them of your love for them and that despite the divorce, both of you love your children unconditionally. In telling them about the divorce, you need to tell them together with unity.
Notify Your Children Of Your Divorce
When you tell your children about the divorce, make sure to avoid pointing blame to the other or getting your children to take sides. Tell them in an unbiased manner all the details such as you not staying together and the effect this will have on them.
Give them the chance to process everything you told them about the divorce. Despite your children having an idea that your marriage was on the rocks all along, let them feel their shock, anger, or even frustration on the matter. Be as open as you can be so that if they have any questions, they feel like they can come to you.
Adopt A Gentle Approach In Discussing Your Divorce
In giving them time, you can try talking to them again a week after you’ve told them about the divorce. This would have given them adequate time to process things and feel the things they do.
They may be much more approachable in discussing the divorce with them compared to when you just told them about it.
Provide Support To Your Children During Your Divorce
It’s incredibly important to offer your children support especially during this difficult moment. A lot of children act out in anger because they don’t know what to feel during the divorce process so you need to be there for them. Other times, they could be distant and unattached because of it. As parents, it’s easy to be wrapped in your own emotions that you find it hard to acknowledge the feelings of your children.
Avoid Disclosing Damaging Information To Them
When you have older children, they may press for information on why you need to undergo a divorce, which you need to get ready for. If one of you had an affair, it’s best to decide not to share that information. Of course, this is still a personal choice and you need to discuss which information you’re going to share with them.
Assure Your Children That They Will Survive
Before approaching children, you need to accept the divorce for what it is and the children need to feel reassured that they’ll survive. Children won’t be comforted if they get the feeling their parents aren’t okay with what’s going on. Be as open as possible to your children and this means sharing basic plans such as living arrangements after the divorce.
You should also let them know when these arrangements would take place so they can prepare. It’s so difficult to involve children in the divorce, but it’s a must so they deal with it more graciously.
Children don’t deserve to feel like they’re stuck in the middle of a situation they have no control over. A divorce is never easy but when you’re willing to put in the work and set aside differences, it’s possible to get through it.